Grrrrrrrrrrrr

How many posts do I have that start with that word?

Anyway.


Sigh. I just saw you earlier today. I'm so happy for that, you know. But I'm missing you like crazy right now and I just want to complain. Why? It's not enough!

Still, Jeremy, be happy. And I am. Why?


Because I just saw you.

Difficulties

Given my past and recent history, I think we can safely assume that I'm okay with talking, whether in person or on the phone. Also, you'd think that I'm used to only seeing people once or twice a week and talking to them the rest of the time. So why is this situation not the same?


It probably has something to do with the spending almost every school day with you for the last three months. I really did see you every day. We had class together. We had lunch together. I saw you for FASA things. I went to your room to hang out for at least an hour every night. I got so used to your presence that I HAD to see you every day or else things felt weird. Add in the fact that I like you so much and my attraction to you and everything about you....well...let's just say that being away from you for extended periods of time puts a strain on my sanity, hahaha. It's hard to stay away from you when I'm so drawn to you and it only grows as time goes on. We've joked that "it's only been one day/two days," but while I'm not 100% serious, there is some reality to what I say.

Basically, oftentimes, I miss you like crazy and being apart for extended periods of time sucks.

So, it's summer. I'm stuck at work, while you're at home free. While I do have more freedom now than I had during school (lack of homework helps), my schedule is still really ugly: Wake up at 5, go to work from 7-3:30, get home at 4:15, nap until 7, have from 7-1 free. That's not much time to do things, to be honest. My only free times where I'm physically and mentally capable of exerting energy (and have "permission" to boot) are Thursday afternoons, Fridays, and Saturdays. That's not that much time, to be honest, but it's all that I can give.

That's the problem. With such a limited time (and some other limits that everyone knows about), that's all I can give. This means that these are the only times that I'll be able to see you. Therefore, it's regulated down to seeing you a minimum of once a week, and sometimes, zero times in a week. For me, that's surely not enough, considering how spring quarter and the end of winter quarter occurred.

I have two huge fears right now. One is the whole "I'm not seeing you enough" thing. I'm so worried that as the weeks go on, the time apart will attack and cause problems. For whom? I'm not sure yet. I'm barely coping right now. I don't know how you're feeling though. I know. "We'll manage." Hopefully. If I were to literally knock on wood, I'd knock it so hard that I'd try to make a hole. My other fear is that you'll get annoyed with the phone calls. After all, there's only so much you can say over the phone. I'm worried I'm going to bore you to pieces.

I don't mean to sound desperate or needy or clingly. You're such a boon and important factor in my life that I'm trying to get as much contact as possible. As cliché and dumb as it sounds, you do make me better and I can't imagine how things were beforehand.


Now...with all of these fears and worries, I can't complain too much, right? Right. I have you and that's all that matters. I suppose we will manage, however that may be. I apologize in advance for any boredom or annoyance I cause.


And no matter what, I'll always tell myself, "I have you and that's all that matters."

Job Search

A periodically updated list of jobs that I've applied for, just to keep track.

Army Corps of Engineers:
Electrical Engineer (6/25)

Boeing:
Systems Engineer 1/2 (6/25)
Intern - Student Engineer - AEW&C Ground Support Segment (6/22)
Intern - Student Engineer

Cascade Engineering Services:
Electrical Engineer EMI EMC Design (6/22)

City of Sammamish:
Engineering Intern (6/22)

Intel:
Hdw/Soft Engneering Intern (6/22)
Hardware Engineer (6/22)
Hardware Engineer (6/22)
FPGA Acceleration Technology (6/22)
Design and Validation Engineer (6/22)
CMOS Analog Design Engineer (6/22)
Hardware Engineer (6/22)

Microsoft:
Software and Hardware Development (6/22)
IT/Operations (6/22)
Techincal Consulting/Services (6/22)
Software Development Engineer in Test (6/22)
Software Development Engineer (6/22)

Nintendo:
Digital Asset Technician (6/22)
Product Testing Analyst (6/22)

Superior Techincal:
Electrical Engineer (6/22)

Gossip Girls (and Guys)

I don't know if I should feel really disappointed. The necessity to talk versus the necessity to sleep. And you know, it's not even gossip as much as it is strengthening connections and bonds. So which do I want more? Stronger bonds or a lovely sleep?

Hahaha, why couldn't I have both, damn it?

I suppose either one is good, and technically, while I might have preferred one to the other, I guess I could live with what happened. Right now, I'll take any connection I can get. Like I already told her, naps (face it, any sleep you would have gotten that night should only be considered a nap) are no longer the same. Two nights (1.5 hours) and I'm already hooked. If that's not enough proof for you, then I don't know what to tell you.

Where exactly am I going with this? I'm not entirely sure. All I know is that while I did rather enjoy what transpired, I also get the feeling that I missed out on something more. I feel really stupid because now I feel like I lost a chance.


Damn it.

You are annoying

Get over yourself. You think that you're all that, but in reality, you've become a joke. Something for me to laugh at and mock.

I'm going to feel so bad for them next year. They're going to have to deal with your crap and you trying to be something you're not.

Sorry. Too bad for you. ...Actually, too bad for those that have to listen to your crap. I'm already rolling my eyes.


Oh and by the way...

The intensity? Stupid. And annoying. The attention whoring? Worthless. Stupid.

hi

oh hello again. I slightly forgot about you. No longer, though.

Pillow

You're not the only jealous one, you know.

Said you're my cure, you're my remedy

Fitting. This illness sucks.


However, your mood, when it's warm and sunny, is infatuating and intoxicating.

In fact, no matter how horrible I'm feeling, I can't help but be happy around you too.


Lyrics

Correction

Yesterday, I commented on how I have an irrational hatred for the sun just on the basis that I can't compete with it.


Upon further review, I've come to the conclusion that that belief is inherently erroneous.

And now, I take it back.

In fact, I love, love, love, love the sun for two main reasons.

1. It reminds me of you...
2. ...because it makes you so happy.
2a. And because it makes you so happy, you then are prone to do the things that attracted me to you in the first place, making me even more sprung/attracted/etc.


So I say, "Hello, sun. Hope you stay around for a long time."

What sets you apart?

During the icebreaker:

"You know what sets me apart? You do."

Prizes and Bets

In any sort of competition, there is almost always a winner and loser, right? Well yes. Ties are dumb. Ignore them. And to the victor, go the spoils, correct? Correct.

So why am I acting like you know nothing? Who knows. It's called a weak introduction.

ANYWAY


I am currently in a competition, and I'm winning 14-1. So basically, I have absolutely no shot at losing. My competitor has already announced that I will win. That means that I can claim my prize, right? I've pretty much won, so I should get my victory reward.


Well you know what? I already have it. Who cares if I won? I already have what I want. This is my prize already. I need nothing else.

Treasuring

"See, look what you did to him! I'm going to lose my treasurer."


Derek. You're not losing a treasurer. (Well, at least not until June, haha) It's more that I now have something else worth treasuring.

That's right. You heard me.

And it's more "treasuring-worthy" than all the other treasure out there.

Hatred

I hate the sun. I can't compete.


Grrrrr. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.


Gah. Gahhhhhhhhhhh.


Grrrrahhhhhhhhhh.





Hahahahahahaha, no matter how much of a joke this is, I still think it to be true.

Astronomy 101

But if I'm a star, she is the sky.

What took you so long?

I really am not so sure right now.
All I know is that I'm glad I acted.
I'm glad that I didn't wait too long.
I'm glad that I actually did something about it, instead of backing away and then rationalizing that hesitance.


I'm glad.